Where is the rule book?

As with most hard things in life there is no instructions or rule book to guide you through the grief process. 

When your person dies everything changes and I mean everything. Not one single part of your life is left unscathed by the cataclysmic event. It is like an explosion has gone off its epicentre smack bang in your heart and the after shocks reverberating through every layer of your being. Even the places you think should be free are covered in the resulting dust and ash. Everything flawed and tarnished. 

The hole in your heart gaping and empty. 

As time passes and the dust settles and you can see the shapes of your life. The occasional deep breath blows the dust to reveal a hidden gem a forgotten memory or word which is quickly covered over, too sharp, too raw, too soon. 

The debris and dust is constantly moving offering you glimpses of your life before. Dreaming, wishing that life was as it was, that grief hadn’t imploded your world. Sometimes forgetting reality, forgetting death. Planning conversations, fleeting touches and longing stares. Before you see the destruction fully and you are back. Bang. 

Remember this too will pass. 

This dust will be blown and reveal new growth, a new perspective, a new you. The hole no longer gaping, the edges knitting together as you grow through this thing called grief. Your heart growing around the space, holding it close and keeping it safe. 

Around corners where you least expect it (and where you do expect it) you will find piles of debris and dust, these will encompass you and overwhelm you but know beneath it all you are there. Bruised, battered and dented around the edges but present and whole. It is only when we allow ourselves to be present and feel our emotions that we can begin to heal. 

Remember you can do hard things and healing is hard. 

I carry my grief with me just like I carry Ben with me, I have grown to include these parts of me and they will always be there tucked safely in the chambers of my heart.

I have walked this path and I can help you to let joy in again 💫